I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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