My room smells like vodka and shame
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
