I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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