Don't you send me to vm
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
