Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
