I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
