I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
