Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize