Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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