worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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