The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
