The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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