..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
