get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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