just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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