he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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