Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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