dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
