I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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