I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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