Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i think im in europe. pls send help
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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