Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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