I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
