it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
