I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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