my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize