shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
