She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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