The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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