Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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