I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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