margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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