I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
