if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
