to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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