My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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