By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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