I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also, beer. Big fan.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
