those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
