My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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