she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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