Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
