i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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