Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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