Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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