I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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