I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
