escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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