You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize