Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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