i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
