I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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