yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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