you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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