he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
