Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think my moral compass just broke
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
