um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
