Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
