my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
