she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
