There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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