i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
