I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
