awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
