I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
