you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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