the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
