haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
