You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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