there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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