Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
being pregnant is like rehab
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize