So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
