We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
