those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize