If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we're making bets on your personal life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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